07 May Super Mom! Educator and Foster Parent
This testimonial is from the perspective of a foster mom and educator of children. She balances being a teacher and foster parent while maintaining strong relationships with all children under her care. In understanding the severity of the issues in the foster system, like case turnover and case overload, she makes sure each child has a safe, stable place of permanency until they find their forever home. Read her story below to learn about her calling as a child advocate and parent. We hope that her story will invoke a desire to take action in helping foster families, open your home to a foster child in need, or at least have grace and understanding for children that come from different backgrounds that you may see in your daily life.
Tell me a bit about yourself…
I am a foster mom of 13 years. I am involved with foster care support groups and I also mentor others within the church. I became an educator because I always wanted to be a teacher when I was little. I loved kids so I started volunteering with kids in foster care at foster parent events. This eventually led me to becoming a foster parent myself. I got to know people – from social workers to agency workers and foster parents. That’s when I decided to get licensed as a foster parent.
What is your passion with foster parenting?
I strive to provide children the chances and opportunities to do things they haven’t had access to before. For example, being a part of a healthy family dynamic, receiving unconditional love, and making sure they get to be a part of fun activities like traveling on vacations and participating in sports. I want them to have experiences that are fun for kids but also make a big difference in their lives that many non-foster kids get the chance to have.
What was the process like for you to become a foster parent?
I started with Lifeline by taking training classes. I took about a 2-month course that occurred once a week to learn how trauma affects kids and what that looks like with children in your home. I learned about different scenarios and behaviors I might see and how to handle them. Churches and agencies also provide training classes for foster parenting. Often, churches hold classes and provide childcare for those with children already in the home.
Training also included doctor physicals, home safety studies, and so on. Everything is done once at the beginning, and then follow ups come around once per year to do another safety check. I had to have 15 training hours relating to kids and parenting, CPR and first aid certification, and I even attended support groups which provided training hours, as well.
What does foster parenting look like for you?
The shortest time I ever had a kid under my care was about 5 months. Most of the kids that come through my home stay with me for several years. I really enjoy fostering, so I don’t have any intentions to adopt. I have gotten to witness one of my foster kids get adopted, and the rest find reunification with their biological family. My foster kids have never left my care until they found permanency. Since children bounce from home to home so often, I want to ensure they have stability as much as possible. I do what is needed so they can stay with me as long as necessary.
I keep in touch with every kid to this day, one way or another. Sometimes I still pick them up to do fun family things because they are still a part of my family. It allows me to watch them grow up and settle in with their families. It is important to me that the children know I will always be there for them no matter what or where they are. To ensure this, I work hard while they’re with me to build family relationships. I try to make sure the children know the biological parents and I are on the same team, despite them being with me temporarily. The kids should know no one is against one another and we are all working together to find the same outcome: a permanent, safe, loving home for them.
What has helped you in your experience as a foster parent?
I have a good support system. This includes family, neighbors, work friends, church members, any person who can be there for me to support in any way I need. It’s different to take care of a foster child versus a biological one. A support system that understands the situation of foster kids was important to avoid judgement and false guidance on parenting.
Most of what was helpful to me was not provided by DHR. What was helpful were the resources that I sought out on my own to get connected to other foster parents and churches. Statistically, half of foster families quit within the first year of parenting because there is so much to it. Thankfully, though, that did not include me. I love it, I love the kids, and have never considered quitting. That isn’t the case for everyone, though. That is why a support system is so crucial to the success of a foster parent.
What has not helped during your experience as a foster parent?
The biggest issue I had with foster parenting was case turnover. I could have a few children over the course of a few years and have at least a dozen social workers each time. It was like starting over with each worker that came through, which prolongs the case of the child in my care because we have to catch the worker up. There are laws in place if the child’s case is open for longer than 12 months. If the biological parent’s haven’t been making progress, there is a decision to be made about terminating their rights and finding other permanency options. DHR doesn’t follow this law often enough, which increases the chance of case turnover. This can be very difficult for the foster families, and especially for the foster child in need of security and stability.
Do you have any advice for potential or current foster parents like you?
My biggest advice to foster parents is to find your people, like foster families you can do life alongside with. Whether you want to foster or not, there are ways you can still get involved without opening your home. Befriend families that are fostering and see how you can best support them. It may seem small to you, but as a foster parent myself, it makes a huge difference in the foster family’s life.
Final thoughts…
Even if you never plan to have anything to do with foster care, you will come across kids from time to time and notice certain behaviors. Keep in mind that you don’t always know what is going on in a child’s life. Their behaviors will be different from others and you don’t always have the full story of what they’ve been through. Trauma and instability take a great toll on children which affects their behavior and emotional needs. Give them the same understanding you would want given to yourself if you were in that child’s shoes.
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