National Adoption Month Part 1

19 Nov National Adoption Month Part 1

This is a testimony of a young woman’s experience with adoption. This story is being shared with permission. 

When I was a kid, I grew up in a lot of poverty, abuse, and neglect. My father had substance abuse problems and my mother and him fought a lot. We would often visit a satellite church that would feed us, which was one of the only times we would get to eat. One day, my father ran off and we did not know where he went. When he came back, he looked like he had gotten into a fight. My grandmother, who had cancer, happened to be at the apartment and decided to call the Department of Child Services (DCS). She was like, “enough is enough.”

We went to that satellite church that served us food after that. I remember that particular time well. I did not know what was going on at the time, but DCS pulled me aside to explain that they did not want to scare me, but I would be staying with someone else for a few days. I got picked up at school the next day by the homeless coordinator and stayed at her house for the weekend. I got my “emergency placement stipend” (tote box of clothes) because we had bedbugs at my home, so I was not allowed to bring anything. She took me to Target and got all the essentials I would need, which was everything from clothes to a toothbrush. 

After the weekend, I walked into the DCS office on Monday with my small tote of things and waited until they brought me in to talk to some people about where I was to go. Among these people were my parents, a family from the satellite church, and my grandmother, who could not take me in because she was sick with cancer. Her husband had also done some things he shouldn’t have, so they were not allowed to have children live with them. 

The weirdest part of the process for me was that I had to sit there and listen as everyone discussed who could take me in. At a certain point, a family from the satellite church spoke up and said they were willing to take me in for a foster placement. I jumped up and ran around the table to give them a hug. I remember I turned around and felt bad because my parents were sitting right there, but I was about to finally have a home with running water and food for once. 

The satellite church family took my tote box of clothes in their car and I went home with them that day. 

I was only in foster care for 9 months. During all that time, my mom and dad were supposed to be cleaning up their act to get me back in their care. Everyone thought getting their kid back would be incentive enough that they would do it. But my mom and dad fought a lot. They were never willing to get divorced. I think my mom was afraid to be alone. A month into it, my dad called with a few threats to my foster family, like, “give my daughter back or else.” My parents were not meeting the requirements to get me back, like passing drug tests or getting a stable apartment.

Not long after the threats from my dad, my foster parents filed a no contact order and a request for termination of parental rights. I was not aware of this at the time. My foster parents talked to me a few months later and said there was a real possibility they would be adopting me. My dad signed the parental rights over no problem. My mom was more hesitant. I had to sit down with her and talk to her about it. I had to explain that I had a chance at a better life. She finally gave in and signed the parental rights over, and not too long after, I was adopted. 

During the adoption process, I was given the option to change my last name. I originally said no, but eventually I decided to do it. A lot of people do not know this, but you also have the option to change your first name, which I did. It was a fresh start for me. On the day of adoption, it was me, the judge, and one of the clerks, and I remember the judge pulled me aside and asked, “Do you love them? Do you think they love you and will take care of you?” I said yes to all, we signed the papers, took a picture, and I was adopted with my new family. 

This was just the first look into the testimony of a young woman and her experience with adoption. Stay tuned for Part 2 coming next week! She shares her experience with trauma, healing, and navigating new challenges and changes in her life from childhood, foster care, adoption, to adult life.