Making Hard Calls as a Foster Parent

20 Jun Making Hard Calls as a Foster Parent

If you are a foster parent, you may be faced with a hard decision in life: making the tough call of answering “yes” or “no” to a child living in your care. But what follows when you make that final decision? Guilt? Feeling like you’ve failed? Worry for that child’s future? That is all completely normal. 

The truth to remember is, you have done nothing wrong. You are not called to meet the needs of every child you are asked to care for. The plan God has for that child may not include you being their foster parent, and that is okay. Do what is best for the child, yourself, and your own family. You are not failing; you are giving that child and yourself a better chance at success.

“I feel like I’ve failed them,” is a common response we hear from foster parents who had to place a child back into the foster care system despite their best efforts to try to meet their needs. Either the child required more needs that the family was not able to provide, integration with the family did not work well, or there was simply not enough room or resources to keep them in their care. There might have been some conflict or lack of support for the family caring for the child. Whatever the reason, making a choice that is best and right for you and the child is never something to feel like a failure for. 

In fact, you are doing honorable work for admitting a child could benefit from being placed in a different home. You put that child’s interests in your heart and did what was best for everyone involved. That is not failing, that is maintaining success for you and the child’s future. Be proud of yourself for making such a tough call with the right motivations and intentions. 

A foster mom on our blog, Life of a Foster Mom, says, “Know that letting go is okay. God has provided for that kid. You don’t have to be the answer to their problem. Many parents feel guilty and afraid to say no when they are not equipped to meet that child’s needs. God has a plan for that kid and it does not have to be you. We often feel like we have a savior complex when we say, ‘if we don’t do this, then who will?’ But then you’re not trusting God.”

If you feel like you might be faced with a situation of having to say no to a child being in your care or sending them back into the foster system, check out your local resources before deciding what to do. Foster Coalition has a list full of contacts for all different types of resources on our website. Look around and see if any of those can help you with your struggle before you make your final decision. 

There is so much out there to support foster families for various types of needs. The problem is, many people are unaware of how to find those resources. That is what we, at Foster Coalition, are here to fix. Go to our resource page here, or contact us at info@fostercoalition.org to see how we can meet your fostering needs!

We know there is no simple answer to help you make a tough call or deal with the pain and heartbreak after the fact. You are doing the right thing when you put the child’s and your family’s best interests first. There is another plan in place for that child and you, and that is okay. You are not failing them, and choosing not to foster that child does not mean you do not care for them. 

Life of a Foster Mom says, “It taught me that I did what I was supposed to do for the time that the child was with me, and God had everything lined up for that kid moving forward. If you are faithful in saying yes to taking in a child under your care, you have to be faithful in saying no too, for their best interest.” 

This is also a huge reason why we need more available foster homes, more trauma-informed care training, known available resource connections for every county, and so many more improvements in the system that we at Foster Coalition are trying to implement. If all of these improvements can be made, fewer children in foster care would lack homes and have proper care to handle the different types and levels of needs they require. 

If you think you might be able to make a difference in a needy child’s life by being a foster parent or becoming an advocate, check out our website or contact us to see how we can help you get started on your journey. Every person that steps up can make impactful change for the lives of children in foster care.