20 Apr “Stay Silent”
“Why didn’t you say anything?”
“Why don’t you speak up?”
“I never saw any signs.”
These are often said or asked around the topic of abuse. Why does a victim not speak up for themselves about the abuse they are experiencing or have experienced? There are a lot of reasons for that.
A common reason is the pressure to stay silent. Perpetrators often use fear or shame to keep their victims quiet. In cases like child abuse and neglect, it is often the parent or guardians of the child. Using lies to enforce fear like, “DHR will come to split up their family,” they are able to keep the child silent. Before you ask why a child would want to stay in an environment like that, even if it is their parent, you have already answered it.
That is the child’s parent.
It is very normal for a child to want to stay with their parent(s). That is who they should believe will protect them and care for them better than anyone else. Children have a natural attachment to their parents. That is part of what creates the abandonment wound. Later in life, that child will crave that parental figure to love them the way they deserve by searching for it in other people.
There is a lot of fear surrounding the foster system. Fear of being split up from parents, siblings, entering an unsafe home, or not having a home at all. You would be surprised at the amount of children, especially teenagers, that are under this impression. Though it can be true for some situations, it is not always the case. That is why there is such a need for more available foster homes and support for foster families. More children could have a safe place to be with their siblings if we did.
Victims are also afraid of what their perpetrators may do if they do speak up. “Will they come for revenge? Will they harm me again? Is the risk of that worse than staying still and quiet? Who will protect me once I tell the truth?”
Another fear is not being validated for their experiences. One of the most common issues when reporting abuse and neglect is not finding justice. “If I speak up, will they believe me?” It is far too often that a victim will speak up and is told they must be lying or misinterpreting it. Even if everyone believes them, will the justice system? Will there be enough proof?
Child abuse and neglect cases are very difficult and take a lot of time to prosecute. With already so few victims speaking up, gathering evidence is difficult. Sometimes by the time there is enough evidence, so much abuse has already occurred.
Then, there is the last, very common reason: children do not always know that what they are going through is wrong. Some children may get a feeling in their gut that something does not feel right, but they are not always developed enough to understand what that feeling means. Some children are too young to even speak when abuse is happening. This leaves it to the adults in charge of protecting them and being aware of situations like these to step up when necessary.
What do we do about it?
First, have conversations. Stop the stigma of topics like this being “too sensitive.” The more people are aware of the issues, the more we can work towards prevention and protection. It is also important that children are made aware of what is not okay and what is, and who to talk to if something is happening. Educate them to protect them. Become a mandated reporter or find out if you already are one. Mandated reporters are legally obligated to report if they see signs of child abuse or neglect. If you are a teacher, healthcare providers, law enforcement, or a child care specialist, you are a mandated reporter.
Do not be afraid to speak up if you suspect child abuse is going on. Often, fear of having the wrong impression stops people from reporting. That is why knowing the signs and having close, safe, and honest relationships with our children is so important. It is also safer to risk getting the wrong idea sometimes, instead of overlooking something dangerous that is happening when you have the power to protect a child.
It is so important to work on prevention. Get educated on what child abuse and neglect is, what the risk factors are, and how to step up and fight for justice. We must spot the signs and help children find safety. They deserved to be loved and cared for. Let’s help them get to have that. Use these links to get started:
U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
Alabama Department of Human Resources
Alabama Partnership for Children
Alabama Department of Child Abuse & Neglect Prevetion – Children’s Trust Fund
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