Unconditional Love

05 Feb Unconditional Love

With Valentine’s Day coming up, love is in the air. It seems important to talk about what love – unconditional love – really is and what it is like to experience it.

Did you know many foster children struggle with feeling unconditionally loved? The ability to trust that someone you love feels the same, cares the same, does not come easy for many foster children. Why is that? 

Most children that come into foster care have either been abused or neglected in some way. This often means some level of trust in someone they love has been broken. They are often shown that love comes with a price; that their worth is measured by what they can offer or by their performance. Their parents may put other things at a higher priority than their children, diminishing the child’s self-worth.

When a foster child enters care, it is not an easy road to helping them accept and trust unconditional love, but it is not impossible…

It is important for foster parents and advocates to know what unconditional love is and how to show it to children who have been harmed by those they trusted. Unconditional love is when you do things for other people without expecting or asking for anything in return. It is love with no strings attached. No matter what that person does, you love them regardless. 

Many foster children struggle with mental health due to their trauma. This often leads them to participating in risky activities, like substance abuse, sex, and illegal activities. They can have unstable emotions, a hard time with communication, and even difficulty regulating their nervous system. Foster parents and advocates, grandparents raising grandchildren and kinship families, we must show these children they are worthy of love and care no matter what. 

That does not mean the child should get to do whatever they want with no consequences. It means we love them enough to offer second chances and resources to help them navigate life as they heal from their trauma. If they mess up, these children are still worthy of being loved. That is unconditional. It can be hard to do this sometimes because the weight of caring for children that have been through trauma or abuse can be heavy. With the right support and training, and a willing heart to care and love for children unconditionally, it is possible. 

If you are a foster child who has been hurt by someone you love or trusted, know that you are worthy of being loved. Your worth is not measured by your performance or what you can offer. Simply by being you, wonderfully made and chosen to walk this earth with a purpose, you are loved. It can be hard to trust people again with your heart and safety, but remember there are people out there who will not hurt you the way you have been hurt before. It is okay to have your guard up, but when you see that unconditional love, I encourage you to welcome it in. It truly is something to treasure when you have it.